Hiren Deliwala
By Hiren Deliwala
We all have our moments – those days when nothing goes right, everyone seems difficult, and life just feels unfair. For me, those moments are more common than I’d like to admit. When a customer calls to address an issue caused by my own oversight, or when I get caught in an unexpected traffic jam, frustration rises quickly. It’s the same when my carefully planned weekend gets derailed by family or my spouse, or when a long trip to India is made even more exhausting by endless plane delays. I feel boxed, like I’m stuck in my own head, helpless and at the mercy of things I can’t control. That feeling only intensifies under stress. I get mad. Upset. Frustrated. Sometimes at people. Sometimes in circumstances. And often, at both. Through it all, one question keeps repeating itself: Why is this happening to me?
I think of myself as a good person – although I admit that even the concept of being “good” is murky and subjective. Still, if I have good intentions and try to live ethically, why do I face these overwhelming challenges and the emotional storms that follow? Why do things go wrong despite my best efforts? This constant questioning – this obsession with why – often drains me. It steals my focus, my energy, and my capacity for action. My mind may still be thinking, but it’s caught in an unproductive loop.
Let ‘s be honest: when things go wrong, most of us fall into one of two camps – blame others, or blame ourselves. Sometimes, it ‘s automatic. “He said this,” or “She didn’t do that,” or “If they had just listened…” Other times, we internalize it. We think, “Maybe I”m the problem. I should have seen this coming. It’s my fault.” Sound familiar?
So what’s the alternative?
Growing up in an Indian household, there was no shortage of theories for why bad things happen. Karma, past life debts, planetary alignments… We’ve heard it all. And whether it’s Western self-help or ancient wisdom, both often propose a shift in focus – from why to what. Instead of asking why something is happening, we can ask: What’s the next action? This question grounds us in the present. It interrupts the loop of blame and self-pity and nudges us toward movement. When we ask what’s next, we become curious. We stop dwelling in the past and begin looking toward the future.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we should never ask why. Understanding the reasons behind our experiences can be enlightening and help us avoid repeating harmful patterns. But when we are caught in emotional overwhelm, why often serves more as a trap than a tool. In those moments, what is the lifeline. What can I do right now? Maybe it’s as small as taking a deep breath, calling a friend, stepping outside for a walk, or even just sitting still for two minutes. Maybe it’s about listening instead of reacting. Each of these actions, however small, brings us back into motion and agency.
I’ve come to appreciate a simple but powerful shift: Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?” I ask, “What’s the next action?” This isn’t a magic mantra, but it works like a mental reset button. “What now?” pulls you out of the swamp of overthinking and nudges you toward the present. It might mean calling a friend. Taking a few deep breaths. Going for a walk in the neighborhood. Or just sitting still and letting the moment pass. Sometimes, the next action is to do absolutely nothing – and that’s okay too.
My family can confirm. I still hit “react” way before I hit “think,” and yep, it happens a lot. My family would be the first to tell you that I’m not always a model of emotional regulation or graceful responses. I often fall into old habits of anger, blame, and spiraling thought. But I’m learning to catch myself sooner. I’m trying to pause, take stock, and ask: What’s the next step? And every time I do, even imperfectly, I reclaim a bit of the power that my automatic responses once stole from me.
So, I offer this reflection not as advice from someone who’s figured it all out, but as a conversation starter – for myself and for others. The next time you find yourself swirling in thoughts, stuck in the why, consider pausing and asking, “What now?” Just ask, “What’s the next small thing I can do right now?” Maybe it’s making that phone call. Maybe it’s forgiving yourself. It won’t solve everything, but it might just change the trajectory of that moment – and perhaps, over time, of our lives.
Hiren Deliwala is a Charlotte-based overthinker, closet philosopher, and husband who tries really hard to be calm but occasionally argues with inanimate objects. He writes about everyday life, Indian upbringing, and finding humor in the chaos. When not philosophizing over chai, he’s usually losing arguments to his wife – and, shockingly, learning from them. Contact: hcdeliwala@gmail.com
