Jennifer Allen
By Jennifer Allen
“When people look at me, they automatically assume I’m dark and weird. Why can’t they see the truth? I’m just a girl, trying to find my place in the world.” ~ Gena Showalter
So it is the month of October once again, and with it comes a lot of things that we celebrate and remember. Most know it as the month that we celebrate Diwali, Muharram, Columbus Day, Halloween and so many other holidays. It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It’s National LGBT Month. It’s even International Vegetarian Month. It’s when Pumpkin Spice is suddenly in everything consumable and we all (admit it) let out a small amount of joy for this fact.
Something about October just puts me in a better spirit, usually. It feels like a month for transition and change. Days get shorter. Leaves turn into their diverse shades of red, yellow, orange and everything in-between. We leave the shorts and t-shirts of the summer behind and invoke a dress code of jeans, sweaters and jackets.
This October is also, among all of these other things… the 10th anniversary of National Bullying Prevention Month.
The Germans invented a word: Schadenfreude. It roughly translates to the concept of finding the ultimate pleasure from watching or experiencing the suffering of others. This is a foundation of what makes us human, whether we like it or not.
We’ve all had moments, big or small, where we can’t help but feel a little tinge of glee when someone else gets their comeuppance after witnessing him or her doing something we don’t approve of. However, there are people out there who take on a much more serious role as those who prefer to find pleasure in creating the strife that others have to deal with.
I was a target of bullying from an early age. That’s what happens when you’re a child of a one income family who couldn’t afford some of the nicer clothes, school supplies and other things that made you popular. At the age of 7, I was one of the first kids in school to get glasses. I was that kid with the messy or badly cut hair. I was the kid who was too smart and constantly reminded that I wasn’t.
In 8th grade, I remember someone asking me “Are you popular?” By her tone I could tell she already had an answer in her head. She was simply waiting for me to slump over and say, “No…” with a defeated sigh. Instead I looked right at her and said, “I am popular, but for the wrong reasons.” Her shocked expression and silence for a few seconds made my heart jump a few beats as no doubt that was the last answer she expected. In the end she did the usual 12 year-old response of “You are nooooooooot,” and walked away.
That was one of the first moments I finally felt a bit more self-confident. I knew I was special deep within, but it took so many years for that to come out in more than a few short bursts. See what I meant when I answered was that I was popular as a target. The nerdy, bucktoothed, messy haired girl with glasses was always someone who the others could dump on to feel better about themselves.
In recent times with new technology and new forms of communication, a new form of torment has emerged. Social media outlets such as Twitter and Facebook have become the perfect breeding ground for these bullies (often called “Trolls”) to thrive. Now victims can be attacked via a computer screen. A popular saying is that the pen is mightier than the sword, but in this day and age a keyboard can be crueler than any punch one could ever throw.
Eventually you learn that there may be serveral reasons for this. The first is that they are secretly jealous of something that makes you special. The second is that he or she is also being abused by someone else, and the only way to deal with it is to find a new target to reflect their own anger upon. Over time I’ve grown to feel more pity for these people than anger, as they are also victims of a sort.
One thing to remember above all else when you feel like there’s no one else who will understand what you’re going through… you are not alone.
Many of us know what it’s like to be that kid who gets teased in school. Many of us know what it’s like to be that outcast who doesn’t have the same skin color, clothes, activities or something else that the “in crowd” does. Sometimes you have an open-minded opinion that others just cannot handle. Sometimes you simply are just too unique for the world at large to accept.
The only way we can stop all the abuse is to stand up and let those bullies know that we are stronger than they think. Nothing is more threatening to an abuser than when the target who refuses to accept that he or she is one. Self-confidence goes long way… and as long as it remains healthy as you get older, then you will have that perfect defense against anyone who would bring you down.
I know that while I have gained a thicker skin over time, a little bit of self-doubt lingers inside. Will it ever go away completely? That remains to be seen. At least I can say that it takes a lot more to get me into that mindset than before. I’m one of the lucky ones, however. Many more out there in the world get so overwhelmed with anxiety that they simply cannot cope. Suicide is the 2nd largest cause of death for 10 to 34 year-olds and more than half of those are in response to bullying.
While bullying has been around for a long time, the acceptance of it being a problem has been difficult. Many say to simply “ignore them” until it stops, but that doesn’t always work. Others say to stand up for yourself and take away a bully’s control over you. The most effective method may be to not say anything, turn and walk away. If you see someone else being bullied, you can always let him or her know that a friend is there to listen and understand what they’re dealing with. No one should ever have to feel isolated like that.
You should never have to live in fear ever because of who you are. Embrace what makes you you and you’ll ultimately be a happier person for it.
To get more info on Bullying taking steps to prevent it… visit sites like www.stompoutbullying.org and www.pacer.org/bullying/nbpm.
Doctors Keenan and Cohen wrote a guide on how to deal with Cyberbullying and avoid Substance Abuse as a result. You can read it here: www.inpatientdrugrehab.org/cyberbullying-substance-abuse/
Another resource for parents to help their chldren be safe while online: www.consumersbase.com/esafety-guide/
