Raajeev Aggerwhil
By Raajeev Aggerwhil
I was in Toronto a couple of months ago. Instead of getting a rental car, I thought I could get by with Uber, because that way I don’t have to answer 20 questions from the rental car agent before I even get to the car:
“Do you want to add a Collision Damage Waiver to cover potential damage to the vehicle?” “No, thank you.” I wanted to say, “No, I’ll just shrink-wrap the car—it’s cheaper.”
“Do you want to prepay for your fuel?” “Nah, I like the thrill of trying to find the cheapest gas station right before I return it!”
“Do you want to add a GPS system to your rental?” “Sure, because I’m the only person on the planet who doesn’t own a smartphone.”
“Do you want to add our extended roadside assistance?” “I think I’ll pass. I’ve got AAA on speed dial, a nagging wife, and an unhealthy amount of overconfidence!”
Too many questions! With Uber, the only queries I have to answer are simple ones, like “Does this driver look like he has a body in the trunk?” Uber is great, because I can avoid some of the other problems of driving myself, like having to navigate the road; it gives me plenty of extra time to focus on navigating more important matters, like navigating this morning’s Wordle. And I don’t have to worry about parking or traffic tickets; if I want the car to stop in the middle of a tow zone at the airport, now it’s somebody else’s problem!
However, my Uber driver added some new worries to my mind. He was from Bangladesh and when he saw me, he said, I almost didn’t pick you up because your Uber rating was low. At first, I figured maybe it was a language barrier issue – so I told him “No, I’m not the one with a rating; I want you to drive the car!” Turns out Uber rates the passengers just like the drivers – and my rating was low?! My passenger skills are top-notch; I excel at sitting on my butt and letting somebody else do the work!
I was shocked. “What is my rating?” “4.63” “Out of what?” He said, “Out of 5.” It didn’t seem that bad. It’s over 92%! I was starting to hope that my driver was better at driving than he apparently was at math. But it seems that anything below perfect was considered disastrously low when it comes to Uber ratings, which proves one thing – the company was being run by my mother.
So, what could have caused this catastrophe? I started reflecting on my past Uber rides. I have always been very friendly toward my past Uber drivers. I would also tip them generously. There were two possible answers. Sometimes I would wait a couple of days to rate their ride and give them a tip. Believe me, if I must give somebody extra money, it’s going to take me some time to convince myself to go through with it. The other possibility was that during my visit to India, many Uber drivers would cancel the ride after they found out that I was going for a short distance. This practice is illegal, and when I would argue with them, they would not only cancel the ride but also might have given me a low rating, which seems very unfair; you shouldn’t be able to judge me negatively until after you’ve gotten to know me!
“We rate everything now: our food, our rides, our streaming services—and apparently, now even our ability to sit still and not annoy the driver. I wonder if plants will start rating us for oxygen usage next.”
It seems ridiculous that society has become so focused on ratings systems – particularly when we should be able to wield this power when dealing with people who deserve it. Can you imagine?
“I’m giving my congressman a rating of two stars—great at cutting ribbons, terrible at cutting the budget. Five stars if you’re a lobbyist, one star if you’re a constituent.”
“This flu virus gets a review of one and a half stars. You want to improve your rating? Don’t overstay your welcome!”
“I’m leaving my wife a review of one star. Signed, anonymous.”
But now I must worry about my own passenger rating on Uber. I don’t want to be forced to rent a car just because I am not able to get timely rides from Uber. I don’t know the answers for my lower rating on Uber but for all my subsequent rides on Uber, I would give the driver a 5-star rating and give a generous tip immediately after completing the ride. Well, it’s called a “tip” but let’s be honest; it really should be called a “ratings ransom”. “Give me an extra $20 or you’ll never see your precious 5-star rating again!”
The rise of the ratings system needs to be checked and companies like Uber and the rental car agency need to remember that while a question or a system may seem helpful on the surface, the further we push our customers towards inconvenience, the greater the risk of them choosing another option. And for me, that option might end up being my all-time favorite ride — my couch at home.
Raajeev Aggerwhil is a Los Angeles-based comedian. Follow him on Instagram @raajeevcomedy or @IndianComedyCouple. To see his videos on YouTube: youtube.com/c/raajeevcomedy.
