Shyama Parui
By Shyama Parui
One task, ten minutes, twenty distractions! With good intentions, I had begun a meditation session and all I had to do was focus on my breathing, but it proved to be as hard as driving smoothly on I-77. The bigger problem, however, was finding an alternative method and time to attain my quest for relaxation. I also suspect that people like me have forgotten how to relax.
For today’s generations whether they are X, Y or Z, seeking relaxation is often discouraged. Whether it is the fast-paced lifestyle of Mumbai or a laid-back town in the Carolinas, there is undeniable pressure to keep doing stuff or something. The act of doing nothing is perceived not as rejuvenating but as laziness or a waste of precious time. Taking a vacation, which should ideally offer a respite from the burden of endless responsibilities, ends up becoming just as stressful as work, if not more. Decisions such as picking a destination from the “bucket list” or coordinating with family or friends, negotiating dates and duration, planning activities, dealing with unsolicited advice from armchair experts or chronic complainers can be exhausting even before the journey begins. Fears of doom and dread follow.
Resting in the afternoons was common in many cultures such as India, especially when the economy was primarily agricultural. For practical reasons, it made sense for farmers to begin their daily work at the crack of dawn and get rest when the temperature was at its highest. At the end of the harvest season, festivals and celebrations marked a break before the hard work resumed. With industrialization followed by the Information age, integration of work and religious holidays has been lost. There is often a clash between career or work deadlines and special occasions which can sometimes lead to friction in one’s personal life.
With modern transformations, my goals and expectations of myself are different from those of previous generations. For my mother and aunts for example, it was perfectly acceptable to enjoy a siesta. However, I am almost afraid of taking a nap even on my toughest days. As I lower my head on the pillow, I am reminded of my list of chores, or field trip forms to sign or anything besides rest. For most mothers of my age, simply attaining motherhood is insufficient, the desire to excel at parenting is the bigger goal. While it was fulfilling to watch my baby sleep, during the early stages of motherhood, I felt compelled to constantly do more such as read articles about infants and toddlers. Ridiculous, you say? Sadly, I agree.
If a person mentions that he or she enjoys or carves out some time to simply do nothing, that is frowned upon. I recall a particularly hectic year at work when I decided to let my mind wander and stay away from work on a two-hour plane ride for a business trip. It was rewarding to allow myself a chance to recharge but the guilt set in as soon as I heard my co-workers brag about what they had accomplished on the flight. Weekends too fail to be free as they are packed with action items that are perhaps overdue. On rare occasions when boring tasks have been checked off the to-do list, there is an expectation that one must post pictures from one of the happening spots around town to keep up with friends active on social media.
In a competitive world, children’s free time looks different than it did 50 years ago. Unstructured free time, random naps, or spontaneous play have shrunk for many. Pre-schoolers have planned play dates and enrichment camps to avoid any period of boredom. I worry that they may grow up not knowing the value of leisure. Although some individuals have no problem kicking off their shoes and chilling, others may not prioritize it. Modern society does not hand out medals for hours one spends meditating or recognizing companies that require employees to stay away from their business phones and emails while on vacation.
Parents and educational institutions have also raised their expectations of young people. High schoolers with a 4.0 GPA are no longer exceptional if they haven’t already solved one of the world’s most pressing problems.
Let us collectively recognize that there is an overwhelming need to be consciously in tune with our bodies so that we understand the signals for rest or a pause from mental and physical activity. A healthy amount of relaxation is a remedy for many ailments without the side effects of drugs. Perhaps, we should attempt to systematically identify what refreshes us. It may look different for different individuals just as our definition of an ideal weekend varies. Reading, cooking, watching a funny movie without multitasking, a massage or bubble bath or any mindful activity may have more health benefits than we realize. At the risk of sounding corny, may I suggest that we also allocate a segment on the calendar for relaxing and reward ourselves for doing nothing.
Who is with me?
Shyama Parui is a long time North Carolina resident and an ardent writer. You can reach her at: [email protected]
