Sereena Kumar
By Sereena Kumar
I remember the first time I encountered this daunting question in kindergarten: “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” Without thinking too hard, I answered, “A ballerina fairy!” As I grew up, I became afraid to ponder this question. How do I think about what’s on the horizon when I’ve just gotten used to swimming in the ocean?
Before I knew it, this future I tried to avoid thinking about has crashed into me like a thunderous wave. My college inbox floods with new action items, forcing me to confront reality. The fuzzy pink sheets and rainbow decal in my room can no longer shield me from the truth: I am headed off to college.
I am a visual learner – the notes I took in class are filled with rainbow ink and doodles in the margins. So, until I step into the dorm room and notice its blank walls instead of familiar purple ones, I won’t fully process that I’m going to college. I couldn’t bring myself to search up dorm pictures on my college website. If I pretend like I’m not moving away from my family, it’s not real, right? Wrong. Denial is sadly only temporary. I was forced to confront my apprehension when my roommate suggested we meet and discuss what we need to buy for our dorm. She immediately whipped out her iPad with our dorm’s exact dimensions and a spreadsheet of dorm essentials.
The sudden overload of information was initially unsettling, but it surprisingly eased my mind. Suddenly, moving into a new room seemed more manageable. Plus, I had an excuse to scroll through Pinterest and find room décor! As my roommate and I added more items to our already exhaustive spreadsheet, I realized that our dorm’s blank walls wouldn’t be so bad. They just give me the chance to fill them with new memories. I will bring my high school memory box with me, but a new one will be placed next to it; empty and waiting to be filled with college memories.
College forces me to face my fear of crafting my own schedules. Whenever I started an extracurricular activity, it was usually because my mom said it would be good for me or because I saw my friends participating in it. Always worried about the persona I projected, I went along with the crowd rather than my gut. With college’s unstructured nature, I will no longer rely on what people tell me looks good on a resume. College student Sereena can no longer be indecisive. Seven-hour school days are long gone–my classes on Wednesday somehow end at 11:30am! With this newfound freedom comes the chance to explore my purpose and embark on activities I never had time for. On Wednesdays after my classes, I’ll get to rediscover my abandoned hobby at drawing workshops.
In high school, I confined my creativity to flower scribbles during monotonous lectures. I look forward to bringing color back into my life. Additionally, I want to prioritize activities that aren’t necessarily relevant to my major but are relevant to my happiness. A scuba diving class might not help me with chemistry, but it will give me more adventures to fit in my memory box.
Even if some factors are unknown, like where I will be in ten years, the future doesn’t seem quite intangible. Little by little, I’ve dipped my toes in the water to get excited about what’s coming up. Additionally, I’ve found that I can walk this new path without abandoning the child that lives on in my heart. My college experiences won’t transform me into a new person but rather help develop the person I already am. My gel pens will come with me to college and perhaps I’ll get a rainbow poster for my dorm. To every anxious college freshman out there: Uncertainty is not a sign to hole up in your shell – it gives you a chance to uncover your curiosities.
If you already know what lies on the horizon, you won’t feel the delight of exploring it.
Sereena Kumar is a Freshman at NC State and has a passion for writing. Contact: slkumar@mycomedical.com
