Sereena Kumar
By Sereena Kumar
Throughout my first year of college, I feel like I have been asked, “What is your year and major?” at least 10 times. It drained my energy having to think about matching the expression of the stranger standing in front of me. Nevertheless, I plastered on my sunniest smile and attempted to tentatively connect with my fellow freshmen classmates. Rather than melting the awkward tension that hung in the air, icebreakers tend to freeze up my natural, cheery disposition. I expected challenging classes to be one of my bigger hurdles. Instead, it turned out to be making new friends.
High school differed in that I had to be surrounded by people 7 hours a day. My greatest friendships were forged from partnering up with my assigned tablemates and catching a friendly eye at my lunch table. In college, I quickly noticed that the freedom of choice accompanied by adulthood is also a limitation. I had the ability to waste away my day in the dorm after classes rather than venture out into the unknown social landscape. By becoming invisible to my peers, I became invisible to myself. Ultimately, what broke me out of my shell was practicing talking to strangers in the elevator.
I would usually pretend to be on my phone and avert eye contact while waiting to escape the strangers in the tiny box. I decided to challenge myself one day by putting away my headphones and complimenting a stranger. It was easier than I realized: starting a conversation with a person you don’t know in college is normalized. Although saying “I like your skirt” was hardly a full conversation, the smile that appeared on the elevator stranger’s face spoke more words than I imagined. That was when I realized that a friendship doesn’t have to bloom out of an interaction for the interaction to be meaningful. I might not see elevator stranger again or get the chance to ask where she got her skirt from (I regret not asking her), but this short interaction chipped away at my guarded layers. Every attempt to socialize is valuable.
The next challenge I had to conquer in the realm of socialization was actually going out of my way to strike up a conversation. Without the forced proximity that the elevator provided, it was up to me to initiate a hangout. Unfortunately, I am not in elementary school so I cannot rely on my mom to set up “playdates” for me. I have found that the best way to set up a college “playdate” is to use the excuse of studying for a class. Asking a classmate you only see twice a week to a boba hangout may seem intimidating. Taking smaller steps is more manageable; socializing doesn’t have to look like going to some gigantic party with a friend. I was amazed to see how easily a library study hangout could later morph into getting coffee and chatting about non-academic topics. My classmate slowly but surely went from being an acquaintance I would barely see to someone I could plan a spontaneous weekend outing with.
One of my close friendships this school year proves that friendship can be forged from awkwardness. Now that my roommate and I have gotten more comfortable with each other, we can now reflect upon our initial meeting. I tried to maintain a perfect composure, vigorously nodding my head when asked if I was a morning person. My roommate and I now laugh at this because she knows this statement is far from the truth. It is jarring how far we have come from moments of silence to moments when we randomly break into song in our dorm. A stumbling, bumbling interaction proves its authenticity. In fact, psychology proves that showing signs of nervousness (blushing and stuttering) often makes a person more likeable and relatable. I don’t have to carve a flawless sculpture from the ice — pure friendship isn’t perfectly sophisticated or stiff.
Every time you feel tongue-tied during small talk with a stranger, remember this: The awkwardness you feel most likely stems from the awkwardness of the situation itself. Don’t pull yourself down if conversation doesn’t automatically flow smoothly. Summer break especially gives you the chance to text that friend you haven’t seen in a while and plan a hangout. There might be an initial icy layer as you both hesitate on what to say to each other. But remember this: In order to break the ice, you have to embrace the awkwardness and let it melt on its own.
Sereena Kumar is a Freshman at NC State and has a passion for writing. Contact: slkumar@mycomedical.com
