Raajeev Aggerwhil
By Raajeev Aggerwhil
We kicked off the holiday season with Diwali. In a couple of weeks, there will be Thanksgiving and then Christmas. This Diwali, after our mandatory, “Om Jai Jagadeesh Hare Arti,” I took the time to explain to my kids that on Diwali we celebrate victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance. In other words, “Victory of Democrats over Republicans,” my son remarked. We laughed and then we all chimed in with more. Victory of organic over junk food. Meditation over Prozac. Humor over anger.
I told them that on this auspicious day, we worship Goddess Lakshmi. That’s why we leave diyas (oil lamps) outside so the Goddess Lakshmi will bless us with wealth and prosperity. I told them that I used to leave a credit card machine at the door so the Goddess could bless us by swiping her credit card, but times have changed. Now, on a placard next to the diyas, I write out my Venmo address!
I remember many years ago at a party, I asked an Indian American teenager why Indians celebrate Diwali? He said that on this day, Lakshmi died fighting the British. This kid was mixing up his history and religion! I didn’t make a big deal of it because he was only half Indian.
Growing up in India, we would play “teen patti,” a gambling card game popular throughout South Asia. My uncle had a double standard. He would play the game and then say, “Beta, jua khelna buri baat hai. Son, Gambling is a bad thing.” The only problem was that he would repeat his mantra only when he was losing!
After Diwali, we celebrate Thanksgiving. Since we are vegetarians, we generally serve Indian vegetables, curries, pasta, and potatoes. Sometimes we splurge with Tofurkey, turkey made from tofu. That is still better than the invitation we got from a colleague, “Thanksgiving Dinner with Turkey.” Like us, they only served vegetarian food but to look like a traditional Thanksgiving, the host had a few live turkeys walk around the house. Some sat right at the table. They were so happy because they knew Thanksgiving usually ends up badly for them. Being at the gracious host’s house was like getting a pardon from the president.
I have always been fascinated by the criterion is used to select a turkey for the Presidential pardon on Thanksgiving. All the turkeys would be raising their hands, well wings, “Please Mr. President, pick me. I can help you solve the Southern Border Immigration problem. In previous years during President George W. Bush’s term in office, presidential pardons were given to turkeys who whispered to the president, “Mr. President, I know where the weapons of mass destruction are!” Or in more recent years, “Mr. President, I can gather my friends and help out with the insurrection.”
Living in Los Angeles, we were very much aware of the Writers Guild of America (WGA) and SAG-AFTRA Union strikes for higher wages and issues with the use of Artificial Intelligence (AI). I wonder if turkeys should form a union and negotiate a deal for mass pardon over Thanksgiving. They may volunteer to cook and clean in the negotiations as well as developing alternate recipes such as Tofurkey Tikka Masala.
Christmas is a whole different story in our Hindu household. We would still set up a Christmas tree, assembling it out of the box and leave Christmas presents under it for the kids. As a Bania, I always believed that the best Christmas gifts are an exchange of cash. You are not stuck with unwanted gifts and don’t have to waste time with returns. Despite our attempts, it is hard to ignite the spirit of Christmas in our home, the way we have it for Diwali.
I have been to New Delhi many times over Diwali and Christmas. The festivities for Christmas around town are much more subdued compared to Diwali. It seemed like the only people who celebrate Christmas are 5-star hotels and their patrons. The masses are not too much into it. Although, once we were visiting my wife’s cousin in Ludhiana and he told me that he went to the local church with some friends. They were singing “Halleluiah” in Punjabi! We missed attending that mass but found some a couple of “Punjabi Halleluiahs” on YouTube. He also mentioned Ludhiana has the highest concentration of Mercedes cars among all Indian cities and the local Mercedes dealership does brisk business during the holiday season.
During the holidays break, I have found the best deals available are on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. That is equivalent to using the coupon code, “Not Christian.” The only fellow passengers on the plane are Hindus, Muslims, and Jews, united with a common theme of saving money. The flights on Christmas Day are mostly empty. I thought to make up for the loss, the airlines could come up with creative ways to make more money during the holiday season. One of the co-pilots could come out dressed like Santa. The kids could get their picture taken sitting on Santa’s lap for $5.
Whatever our motivation is around the holidays, whether it is to invite the the Goddess of Wealth to our household, remind our kids about the victory of good over evil, gather with family and friends over an elaborate Thanksgiving dinner (with or without turkey), simply exchange gifts with them over Christmas, or look for bargains on airfare, one thing is for sure. We all welcome the pause the holidays give us from our busy routines to rejuvenate ourselves for the new year. Happy Holidays!
Raajeev Aggerwhil is a Los Angeles-based comedian. Follow him on Instagram @raajeevcomedy or @IndianComedyCouple. To see his videos on YouTube: youtube.com/c/raajeevcomedy.
