Sereena Kumar
By Sereena Kumar
Imagine a chameleon trying to blend in with its surroundings. It turns brown when it is climbing on a tree, but it turns green when it lands in the grass. This colorful creature adapts based on the conditions of its environment. I used to be that chameleon, feeling pressured to change, caught between two different cultures. I wanted to remain true to my parents’ Indian culture while I tried hard to fit in with my American peers. I call myself an “In-Between” and figured out how to coexist in a bicultural world while staying true to myself.
Things were simpler in Elementary School. I was a happy go lucky kid who didn’t quite have a mature lens of the world yet. To me, there was one culture in the universe, and I was just like everyone else. I never noticed how my family pronounced the letter, “H” differently than other families. If anybody gave me weird looks for pronouncing a word differently, it was because I had something in my teeth. The divisions between different cultures never stood out to me, until one day in 4th grade. On picture day, I proudly walked into class, wearing my golden lehenga. When I walked into class, I was proud of my identity, my bangles jingling with pride on my arms. When I walked out of class, I had lost my identity, and the bangles were hidden away in my backpack. No longer was I oblivious to my classmates’ sneers and whispers. No longer would I politely correct my friends on how to pronounce, “Diwali”. I finally recognized the distinctions between “their culture” and “my culture”.
The only goal that kids seemed to have in Middle School was to fit in. If you didn’t have the trendiest clothes, you’d better put it on your Christmas wish list and hope that your parents get it for you. My sister truly had the toughest time in Middle School, with this concept of “fitting in”. She was always this bold and charismatic kid who was confident enough to spark up a conversation with a random stranger on the street. Her spark was dimmed by the pressures of molding into majority. Like me, her eyes started catching subtle differences between her and her classmates. She became ashamed of her tiffin lunch box when her classmates pointed out the smell and how her food looked like “brown mush”.
I was surprised to see her getting up an hour early every morning to straighten her beautiful wavy hair, making an effort to keep it plain and straight like her friend’s hair. It was a repeat of what happened to me in Elementary School! By reflecting upon my sister’s and my experience in school, it occurred to me that this cultural shaming happens at a very young age. As the mind grows up feeling the pain of cultural shaming, this mindset of “fitting in” is embedded into our everyday actions. That chameleon persona slowly becomes a part of our soul and we lose that happy-go-lucky child in us that sees all cultures as one.
Little by little, I am learning that it is okay to present myself as a part of both the Indian community and the American community. If I abandon one community, I lose half of myself. My high school is a breath of fresh air where I feel comfortable expressing myself however I want to. My school organized a “Desi Day” where Indians could proudly dress up for Diwali. I wore my bangles proudly and unlike the fourth grade me, when someone rolled their eyes at my beautiful bangles, I smiled back at them. I thought to myself, “They are just jealous of my beautiful culture. I pity them for being unable to accept our cultural differences and letting the judgment in their heart overtake themselves.”
Throughout my cultural journey, I have learned that there is no strict definition of a “True Indian” or “True Americans”. We are all “True Humans” with our unique traditions and perspectives. My school has a more diverse community with more people that share the same traditions that I do. I am more accepted by society but most of all, I accept myself. It is perfectly fine to be an “In-between” as I like to describe myself. The lines between cultures have blurred. We, the In-Betweens have blended into one unique society.
Sereena Kumar is a sophomore at Enloe High School and has a passion for writing. Contact: [email protected]
