Hiren Deliwala
By Hiren Deliwala
There’s a quote by Andy Andrews that goes, “You’re either in a crisis, just coming out of one, or about to go into one.” That rings true for most, especially during midlife. For many in the Indian diaspora in the U.S., and really anyone who has spent years raising kids, managing a household, building a career, and keeping life running, midlife can feel like unfamiliar territory.
We finally have more free time, fewer urgent responsibilities, and no rigid routine tied to school drop-offs or extracurriculars. And yet, instead of peace, many of us face a strange kind of restlessness.
They call it a midlife crisis for a reason. The kids are growing up or have already moved out and started making their own decisions.
The job has settled into a rhythm that’s more predictable than inspiring. The house is quiet. And now we’re left with time, something we once longed for but now don’t quite know what to do with it.
There’s often an internal tug-of-war: Should I stay in my current role or move into management? Should I start a business? Reinvent myself? Some people explore side hustles, open franchises, or pursue second careers. Others wrestle with how to spend time with a spouse now that the parenting phase has slowed down.
Add to this the emotional weight of aging parents, our own health changes, and questions around relationships and purpose – and it’s no surprise this stage gets labeled a crisis.
But what if we could look at this time differently? What if, instead of a crisis, it’s just a transition, a shift that opens the door to new possibilities?
I’ve started thinking of it as a midlife opportunity. I’ve seen friends use this time to do things they never had the chance to do before. Some took up hiking or running marathons, others explored painting, learned music, or began traveling more. These aren’t dramatic overhauls. They’re often small, steady shifts toward something fulfilling.
In my own case, my wife and I have been empty nesters for about eight years now. We live in a house that once echoed with daily activity, and suddenly we had to figure out how to live together in this quieter version of life. The dynamic has changed. With the kids gone, we’ve had more time to focus on ourselves and each other. We’ve used this time to visit our aging parents in India almost every year, spending a month with them and reconnecting with extended family. That alone has been a gift we couldn’t offer before.
We’ve also made space for our kids in new ways, by taking vacations together, having deeper conversations, and forming more adult friendships with them. Recently, we reconnected with friends we’ve known for over 25 years but hadn’t seen in a long time. A trip to Dallas and another to Florida became a deeply meaningful reconnection with old friends.
These relationships feel richer now because they’re no longer just built around school calendars or kids’ birthday parties. They are intentional.
This phase also brings a new kind of freedom. We’ve been able to start regular fitness routines like yoga and going on hikes during the week, something that felt impossible when mornings were consumed by school prep and commuting to the office. We can try new restaurants, travel spontaneously, or simply take a walk in the park. But often, we still don’t. The challenge isn’t a lack of time, it’s inertia. It’s the pull of the familiar. It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones and hard to believe we still have the energy to change.
It doesn’t help that many of us resist being pushed, even by well-meaning friends. A friend might say, “Let’s go to the park,” and the first thought is, “Why? What would I do there?” But just going – just showing up – can break the dullness. Even watching a movie that you didn’t plan to watch can spark something fresh. Maybe you laugh. Maybe you will talk more. Maybe you learn something new about your partner or yourself.
One of my favorite immigrant stories is The Namesake. At the end of the film, Tabu’s character – a Bengali woman who has spent most of her adult life in the U.S. – decides to return to India to pursue music, something she had put aside for decades. The beauty is, we don’t need to move across the world to do that anymore. With the internet, online courses, and virtual communities, we can pursue almost anything right from where we are.
All it takes is a bit of willingness to begin, to risk being a beginner again, and to open ourselves up to discovery.
Personally, I started learning guitar about two years ago. I’m no expert, but it has become a deeply satisfying part of my life. I didn’t have the time earlier, or perhaps I believed that learning something new wasn’t as important as focusing on the big responsibilities – raising kids, building a career, and keeping life moving. But now there’s space to explore the things I once pushed aside.
Of course, midlife isn’t all smooth sailing. There are real challenges. Our parents are aging. Our kids may still be figuring out their lives. Our jobs may feel less stable than before. And yes, we’re aging too with health concerns, new limitations, and other realities creeping in. Life is still complex. But that doesn’t mean we can’t see this period as a time of possibility.
The predictability of life can lead to boredom. The job, the home, the routines, these are all familiar. The kids brought adventure, surprises, and emotional ups and downs. Now, that adventure has settled into stability. And while stability is good, it can also feel dull. I’ve found myself saying, “I’m bored,” more than I care to admit.
My wife will suggest a few things I could try, and I’ll immediately say no to all of them. It’s a strange paradox: wanting something new but not wanting to step outside what’s comfortable.
When we’re not intentional, the default takes over. The phone. The TV. The evening drink. These things slowly fill up the spaces that once held energy and excitement. They’re easy, but they may not nourish us. And over time, they add to the feeling of a life that’s slipping into something small and routine.
So the real question becomes: how do we break the default and create something better? There’s no single answer. But we can start, maybe with a conversation, a walk, a new hobby, a short trip, or a new connection. We don’t have to leap; we just have to move.
Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. It can be a doorway to something new. And what we find on the other side might just surprise us.
Hiren Deliwala is a Charlotte-based overthinker, closet philosopher, and avid board gamer. He writes about everyday life, Indian upbringing, and finding humor in the chaos. When not philosophizing over chai, he’s usually losing arguments to his wife and, shockingly, learning from them. Contact: hcdeliwala@gmail.com
