Jennifer Allen
By Jennifer Allen
“If you cannot hold me in your arms,
then hold my memory in high regard.
And if I cannot be in your life,
then at least let me live in your heart.”
~ Ranata Suzuki
When you settle down with the intention to watch, read, or listen to a work of fiction labeled as “romance,” you’re pretty confident on how the story will end because of it. Obviously there will be a journey through which two people meet, grow attracted to one another, eventually admit their feelings, and finally culminate in a beautiful kiss in each other’s arms as the camera either pans in or out on that final, gratifyingly tender moment.
The typical draw of these tales often entails an assorted sequence of events that said two people experience in order to eventually fall for one another. The sheer number of methods employed to reach this result are far and wide, and some work better than others. Fundamentally, we as an audience want the story arc’s structure to be satisfying enough to earn that “happily ever after” ending.
For better or worse, many of us thrive on a good romance… to the point a grandiose scale of South Asian cinema still tends to lean in that direction. When given the chance to observe a character’s progression to find love, we conceivably tap into every situation they encounter and in doing so, experience similar emotions along the way.
I freely admit to being an admirer of these types of stories, as I feel love is a fundamental part of what makes you who you are as a person. I have a small collection of “feel good” romance tales I revisit once in a while to savor those moments… those emotions… and achieve contentment upon their conclusions. To me, these romances are like a warm, soft blanket one can snuggle into whenever needed.
As with all things, it can be detrimental to lean excessively into the idealism of finding “the one” similar to these types of stories. Unfortunately, love in real life doesn’t regularly resolve with an adoring kiss of acknowledgment in the middle of a public place. It’s inescapably messy with a jumbled composite of good and bad moments strewn throughout.
Yet many of us still seek out that dream. We still wish to discover that perfect love just like the protagonist in those cherished stories.
When we do start a new relationship, it almost feels immaculate in its execution. Every smile. Every laugh. Finding out the two of you have similar interests. Even the way the other person does a particular nervous tick can seem endearing. The rose-colored glasses of young love is the ideal, but often time changes that color to black… or even destroys the lenses entirely.
As the two of you gradually drift apart, one or both think less about how they fell in love but instead begin diagnosing where it all went wrong. Maybe you said the wrong thing one time. It could be that your similarities were not as deep as originally thought. Perhaps one of their habits just… irks you in some way that is irreconcilable.
Whether one can handle the rejection or not depends on the mindset of each individual. You go through the 5 stages of grief at light speed, repeatedly until enough time has passed and you’re finally able to move forward with your life. You remember to love yourself without the need for someone else’s validation. Heck, you may even conclude that you will never fall in love again.
However, if you instead choose to take a moment and genuinely reflect on your experiences, while it may not have been as perfect as you imagined, even doomed loved shouldn’t be taken in vain. Both of you grew from your time together. While there may be no “happily ever after” as a couple, you both walked away from the relationship as changed people.
Our interactions with others – whether strangers, colleagues, family, or lovers – will almost always leave an indelible mark on our psyche. We’re all just paddling around in this giant ocean of life, yet even the briefest of touches, words, or glances as we swim past each other can keep oneself from sinking too far to the bottom.
Sometimes… it’s better to appreciate the fact these brief experiences helped plant seeds of gratitude that will blossom later and help shape you into the person you are now.
Not every relationship you have will be as glamourous as those portrayed in fiction, and that’s perfectly okay. Not everyone gets to have a perfectly structured love story arc, but never underestimate those warm, soft blanket moments when they do occur.
Jennifer Allen works at Saathee and is also a Podcaster, Blogger, Photographer, Graphic Artist, Gamer, Martial Arts Practitioner, and an all around Pop Culture Geek. You can reach her at saathee@saathee.com.
